Embodiment and Sex (or lack there of)
“Nobody dies from the lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from." — Margaret Atwood
Most of my readers are moms, so I’m just going to take a guess... if you are a mom of small children, sex may not be on the top of your priority list. I get it. The days are long. You are tired. The house is a mess. There have been small humans climbing all over you for a good portion of the day. The last thing you want to do before bed is be touched, let alone exert any kind of physical effort while being touched... BUT isn’t there some part of you that misses the old days when the libido was strong and sex was alluring? That is where EMBODIMENT can help. Reconnecting with your body can reignite that fire! When we find ways to feel embodied, we are better able to accept things that give us pleasure and make us feel loved.
(And a side note: Maybe it’s not just about the sex? Maybe it’s about feeling connected to your partner. We run the risk in these tedious early years of parenthood of neglecting our most intimate relationship - the one with our baby-daddy! It’s easy to forget that when the nest is empty, it’s just going to be you two lovebirds again. It’s important to hold tight to that connection and nurture the love that started it all.)
There are so many things you can do to reconnect with your body, feel empowered, and ultimately fire things up with your partner. My suggestions... Incorporate mindfulness into your daily life and find a mode of exercise that you truly enjoy.
Those who practice yoga and meditation regularly know the importance of connection. When we step on to our mats we cultivate feelings of connection to the body, connection to those around us, and connection to the present moment. Through this practice of mindfulness, we are able to form meaningful relationships full of compassion, acceptance, and gratitude. It’s not just about the bending and twisting (although that helps in the bedroom too...), it’s about being able to let go of distractions and focus on what is happening between you and that partner. It’s not about doing the deed, but about listening, giving thanks, and being open to the moments you share together. Osho says “I am not saying renounce sex, I am saying transform it. It need not remain just biological: bring some spirituality to it. While making love, meditate too. While making love, be prayerful. Love should not be just a physical act; pour your soul into it.”
This kind of thinking and loving doesn't just happen overnight of course. It takes time and practice. Find your nearest yoga studio or meditation class. You have to start somewhere. Maybe you are short on time? Try a daily meditation at home for 5 to 10 minutes. The Headspace app can guide you though some simple exercises, and track your progress to keep you motivated and accountable to your practice. Need some guidance? Reach out to me directly. I am happy to point you in the right direction.
People who workout regularly tend to have higher levels of self-confidence and less insecurity when it comes to body image, especially when they choose a mode of exercise that they actually enjoy. When we find joy in exercise, we start to view our bodies as powerful, capable sources of fun. When we are embodied we know our body's likes and dislikes. We know the body is not perfect, but we love it anyway. We know the body deserves pleasure because we LOVE this body! It means less hiding behind baggy sweaters. It means less punishing the body with exercise or starvation when you feel like you had too many french fries, and it means wanting to have sex (at least sometimes). You probably won't regret it. Never have I EVER said "Wow, that orgasm was just terrible." Am I right?
If you are not sure what kind of exercise will bring you this kind of joy, start experimenting. You can find a class or a YouTube video for just about anything these days. This is even something you can do with your partner. Annnnd...Don't forget a strong, flexible, and well conditioned body also means you have the drive and endurance to go the distance when you are in the bedroom. You don't want to rush things, right? (Unless of course it's late and the kids will still wake you up at 6am no matter what).
In conclusion, try a little mindfulness and joyful exercise, and next time that baby-daddy is giving you "the look" you may be less likely to walk away rolling your eyes. Instead, you may be open to something more exciting and fulfilling than watching another episode of "fill in the blank" on Netflix. I mean think about it... You are sitting there with no make up on, in a stained tee-shirt, with some smudge of rice pudding (or lord knows what) on your face and he STILL wants you. THAT'S LOVE.
**From now until Valentine's Day you can take 20% Off of couples sessions. Choose from yoga or personal training. Email us for the details.