Bringing Sexy Back... Mindfully
Hey love birds...Let’s explore day in the life of a married couple during the pandemic. I will set the scene for you. My husband and I have just been taking turns caring for the kids since the butt crack of dawn. We are homeschooling our children (not remote schooling, but legit homeschooling), while working remotely, and trying to keep our sanity in an 1100 square foot home with three children and a kitten. There is laundry literally stacked so high it towers over my 8 year old. It looks like there has been a massive explosion of toys and art supplies in our living room, like some weird robber came in looking for the one and only pencil eraser we own. Much of the day is spent looking for a proper eraser. Did I mention that I just taught 3 fitness classes on zoom exerting my maximum physical capacity and then did about 5 billion dishes between said classes? The kids finally fall asleep, and we plop down on the couch to watch some stupidly comforting episode of Friends that we have seen about 800 times - “The one with The Who the F cares just let me be semi entertained while scrolling mindlessly through my phone.” My husband turns to me and says, something like, “Are we going to have sex this month?” It’s kind of a joke. He is exaggerating a little bit, but my answer is still “No.” I say it with a sweet smile and a kindly pat on the arm. “But I love you,” I add. It's true -- I still love him more than anything and think he is literally the sexiest man alive, but I cannot muster the energy for those kind of shenanigans.
I thought it was hard for parents of small children to find the romance pre-pandemic, but this is a whole new level of “not sexy.” Ahhh! We have had zero date nights rights. No alone time, and no energy to devote to a sex life. And that bothers me. A lot. (Side note: we are both at high risk for Covid complications, so we have not had childcare help for 11 MONTHS. 🤯). Are you too experiencing a pandemic induced dry spell? Try this out...
Step 1: Put the Freaking Screens Away
Did you know that there is a jaw dropping crash in the number of babies being born globally? Screen time has been tied to this trend. How can we expect to get our heads in the game if we are bombarded with social media posts, work emails, and "Friends" episodes? Screens are the death of our sex lives. I cannot simply shut off the screen and expect the mojo to be flowing. “Yeah, honey, start getting undressed. Let me just send off the PayPal invoice...” NOT sexy. So here's what I am going to do -- I’m going to shut off my screen early in the evening before the kids even go to bed. That way I am present in the moment, relaxed, and not on information overload.
Step 2: Do Some Yoga
I am sick of eating a meal while watching TV at the end of the night and calling it "quality time." Instead of vegging out, I’m going to invite him to join me for some couples yoga. It’s a good way to get connected to our physical selves while experiencing some true relaxation. Plus, back in the pre-parenting days we would practice together all the time. Those late night yoga sessions sent us off to bed quite happy back then. If yoga isn’t your thing, maybe try something else that might make you feel more connected. A game of chess? A massage? Using the pottery wheel like in "Ghost." I’m sure you can find an activity that will be more fun that watching TV.
Step 3: Make-out Mindfully
You can do just about anything mindfully - breathe, run, eat, stretch...even kiss. Here's what I am going to do - when I kiss him, I will imagine that I am kissing him for the very first time. I will savor it completely. The anticipation. The electricity. The feel of his lips on mine...Ahhh! Ask, where is he touching me? Where do I feel sensation? What am I feeling? In Buddhism it’s called “beginners mind.” The idea is that each moment can hold something new for us. There is always something more to learn and experience. We can apply this to a make-out session and to what may come next. Get really detailed about what you are feeling moment to moment. If you are connected to the physical self, you will be less likely to have your brain tied up in to-do lists, self judgements, or commentary. And that IS sexy.
I'm gonna try this, and I think you should too.... 🔥🔥🔥How else will you heat up these cold winter nights?